Very late resolutions. 

Life is anything but normal but i haven’t felt the need to write about it much. Having lots of tests at the hospital at the moment but not worried about it anymore. My bladder looks healthy and I’m starting some medication to hopefully help some of the problems with it. Kids are all happy and trying hard at school, what more can we ask for from them (other than to stop fighting, whinging, moaning and generally being a pain in the arse). There is the referral going through for Robin to Tavistock who deal with gender dysphoria in children so that’s all in motion. Not many hospital appointments for the kids. New paediatrician is fantastic so everything gets done without me chasing it up which is great.

If things are so settled or as settled as it gets in this house I wish I knew why I felt so unsettled. I feel as though I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. It’s disconcerting to have things so in order and to still feel such a lack of control, maybe life is so often more stressful than this that my brain hasn’t caught up yet. Life can stay this way though if that suits the universe’s plans I don’t mind a bit of semi normality. So I guess I don’t know what I’m writing for really, no news to impart, no new information for me to try to understand by writing it down. I think it’s become habit now to write when I’m thinking.

I woke up early today to lots of snoring going on in the house, some rather cute and some more sort of house shaking. I went round the rooms checking on everyone, there is something beautiful about being the only one awake and getting to sneak into the kids rooms and watch them sleep with the sunrise coming through the windows. That is until they stir and you exit the room as fast as you can offering sacrifices to the gods so they don’t wake up yet. Sometimes you need a little reminder that life, time and things you will want to remember are going by while your spending time worrying and planning. 

Relax more, look around and press the pause button that should have been my new years resolution. Ah well it’s never too late to start is it. 

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